that time of the year

where i need a lot of this...



to fight all of this... :(



just, you know, as a little side note...
11/06/11 Accounting
18/06/11 Finance, Thermofluids
21/06/11 Manufacturing
23/06/11 Design

FEEL FREE TO PRAY FOR ME.
yes, I am shameless in asking.
I will take anything, at this point.

Much love.

second edition, yo!

To the boy like an onion...
You're special. I always smile when I see you from far away. Then I feel slightly afraid as you approach :$ We aren't close in a conventional sense. I don't really know much about you, and you don't know me very well either. It does make me sad when I think about it, but somehow it's okay. We make it work cause we're cool like that.
I usually only get to see the chirpy, silly side of you - which I love. But I know that there is so much more to you that I don't get to see. Not sure if this is wise, but I'm waiting :)


To the girl with edible extras...
Some people know what they want, and work towards achieving it. Others are simply swept off their feet.
You don't realise it yourself, but you wear your heart on your sleeve. You're like an m&m. There is a shell around you that makes you appear hard and strong, but really, it's just spun out of sugar.
Your warmth, and love for others is overwhelming, and my only wish in this regard is that you don't give too much of yourself. Your patience, and gentleness, and kindness, and goodness give way to complacency, but hang in there :)
Because one day, you WILL be swept off your feet.
Count on it!


To the girl who's been like a ghost in my life...
I suppose if it had to be black and white, I would say that we have never been close. And yet, I feel as though we are. I can't tell if this feeling is mutual, but regardless, I'd love you to know that I will always be here for you, whenever you need me. It feels strange saying that because if either one of us was ever lacking in anything, it would probably be me.
But I mean it when I say that I am here for you. Just call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me!


To the boy who's starting to resemble his dog...
I say that you're silly all the time, and I laugh at the crazy things (you say) you do - some of which I still don't believe are completely legal. But I just want to say this...

You really are one of THE best friends a girl could ever ask for, and it's amazingly unfair that you're always just that person. It is not a bad thing, and I know you know it. But I also want you to know that I really admire you for being so strong, especially after so long. Just be patient, even when it feels like that's ALL you've been doing since forever.
I truly appreciate you always being there for me, without fail.

Without fail.

And I sincerely believe that one day you will be the happiest man on earth.
Apart from the occasional "ghey" group member :p


To the boy with a charmed life...
There are so many things I could say about you, and so many things I shouldn't. But I only have a paragraph, so if there was one thing I had to leave here for you, it would be this:
It's been one helluva roller-coaster ride.
Love it, hate it, look back but don't regret it.
I'm not sure whether that was for you or for me, but this I do know...
You are going to absolutely own anything you try, because that's just how you roll. It's unfair, but I truly hope my blind belief in you is justified.

To the boy who's really an old man...

You are one of the most consistent people in my life. With you, there is no complication, no misunderstanding, no drama. It is fantastic. Unfortunately, there is no transparent honesty either - not because I feel that there is no trust in this relationship. Simply because I do not open myself up as readily as you would have me do. Also because you WANT TO KNOW ONLY!
I could say a lot of really nice things about you, but that would be no fun. Not-so-nice things are much more interesting... but another place, another time, hey.

To the girl who's found her prince...
You moved away. True, it's not like you're halfway around the world. But you're not here anymore. Not that it matters. We hardly met up even when we lived 15 minutes from each other - much less 5 hours away. But like I said, it doesn't matter. Because every time I talk to you, its like we just saw each other yesterday, and I love that.
I am so happy for you, in so many ways. You deserve the best that life can give you, and I know that you will take care of what you've been given. Just like you always take care of me when I need it :p
So much love for you! Roar!


To the boy I should appreciate more...
I hope you know that I will always have your back, even though it may sometimes seem like you have no reason to count on me. I get angry with you at times, and little annoyances build up. But no matter, I am always here.
I do appreciate you, even though I do not show it. I should. Thank you for always having faith in me, always believing in me, and for trying to be there for me when you can. It isn't always easy, I know, and very often I make it difficult. So thank you for not giving up on me.


To the girl worth more than words...
I am still constantly amazed at how awesome our friendship is. Imagine that.
I'm sorry, though. A lot of the time, I feel like I take a lot more than I give, and I wish I could give you more. Time would be a good start.
I hope you know that you are lovely from the inside out. Actually, you probably don't know. You take to heart so many things that other people say to you because in many ways, you put others before yourself. I want you to know that you can believe in YOU.
You're worth it, you deserve it, and you owe it to yourself.
You're beautiful. Believe it.


To the boy who's always there...
You're like a battery. Eveready. Always there for each and every one of us no matter what the occasion is.
I admire your self-motivation and determination in all things that you do. I admire the extent to which you care for the people around you. I admire your loyalty to your friends.
I don't admire your face.
Ok, I kid.
Maybe.

you'd think i would've come to terms by now
with the fact that i am not 'other people'
and that the rules i have to follow
are different from what i see around me.

i am selfish

it's all about me.
because things feel hard enough as they are, without me having to think about anyone else.
so all i do is work things out for me.
and when i am insensitive to somebody else, all i can think about is how crap that makes me feel.
which brings me right back to the start.

some rules from the circle of death last night:

1) you musn't answer questions asked by the question-master
2) you must not refer to yourself in the first person.
3) you must not refer to anyone else in second person.

it's easier said than done.

and the winners are the ones who learnt early on to just keep their mouths shut.

stuck

oh these times are hard
yeah they're making us crazy
don't give up on me baby

tonight is the fifth night in a row I have had dinner with my family.

i can't remember the last time we had dinner together more than 3 times in a week. usually it's twice a week we'll all sit down and eat together.

it's so sad.

i really need to work less.

thanks

for a nice little hour of stress relief.


mm... i can't believe it took an hour either.

i found the easiest way to stop being friends with someone.

it's to get sick of it all.

listen

because this is how it goes...

you fall behind bit by bit and before you know it, everything piles up into one huge wad of insane.
you try to fix things, but instead of intermittent feuds, it becomes an ongoing storm with occasional sunshine.
you fail, and between anger and disappointment, all you find is weariness.

and you hate to admit it,
hate how you still try to keep fighting when you know that sooner or later,
you'll have to acknowledge it.


you're beaten.

and you did it to yourself.