it's funny!!!

this is a joke that one of my old friends sent me yesterday.

At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give the location, name, and everything else just by scanning the computer's asset barcode or using the number beneath the bars.
Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."
Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open an outage."
Customer: "What is that?"
Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer."
Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar . . ."

come on!! laugh!! it's funny, ok? i don't care what you say, JON, it's funny!!! how can you not get it? ok, i admit, it took me three seconds to fully appreciate the funni-ness of this joke. but then i cracked up!! that proves it's funny [or my level of intelligence is very low]. IT'S FUNNY!!

---ignore the freak demanding that you laugh at the joke---

fine. don't laugh at that joke. but if you don't find this one funny, you're a zombie devoid of humour and... and.. and... life! [man, the holidays are dulling my brain, which, incidentally, is the size of a hackey sack ball].

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

there!! eat that. THAT was funny.

and you probably have to understand singlish to get this joke.

Singlish vs English

When going shopping...
Brit : I’m sorry, Sir, but we don’t seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
S’porean: No Stock!

When returning a call...
Brit : Hello, this is Mr Bean. Did anyone page me a few moments ago?
S’porean: Hello, who page?

When someone is in the way...
Brit : Excuse me, I’d like to get by. Would you please make way?
S’porean: Lai, siam! Or Siam, hor! Or Skius!

When someone offers to pay...
Brit : Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
S’porean: no need lah

When asking for permission...
Brit : Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
S’porean: (while pointing at door) Can pass or not?

When asking to be excused...
Brit : If you would excuse me for a moment, I have to go to the gents/ladies. Carry on without me, it would only take a moment.
S’porean: Go toilet. Buay tahan ahh.....

When doubting someone...
Brit : I don’t recall you giving me the money.
S’porean: Got meh?

When disagreeing on a topic of discussion...
Brit : Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you’re coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the policy.
S’porean: Talk cock lah you!

When asking someone to lower their voice...
Brit : Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I’m trying to concentrate over here.
S’porean: Eh, Tiam leh!

When asking someone if he/she knows you...
Brit : Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
S’porean: See what see?! BUAY SONG AH?!

wanna know the sad part? not only do i understand the singlish, i can correctly predict what the singaporean is gonna say just by reading what the brit says.