lamentations

i have not blogged for nearly a week. you know why? haven't been using the computer much. not much by normal standards, anyway. i didn't TOUCH the computer AT ALL the whole of friday. not at all. i was so busy with my intensely active social life i didn't have time to use the machine.

i wish.

the sad truth is, i had to go to work pretty much the minute i woke up. pathetic people like me have shifts at 10.30 in the morning because we've got nothing better to do besides sleep. i dont know what i did after work. i think i ate. yeah, i was eating. and then richard came to pick us up for youth which is actually a dinner at pastor's house. that was fun. except at the end we were subjected to the intense torture of listening to an extremely repetitive converser. i shall not name names. i'm above that. it's called class [cough cough choke]. right, i'm so classy for having mentioned it in the first place. stupick.

Auntie kim preached this morning. it was really good [short and simple enough for my brain to comprehend]. oh, before that, i have to mention this. KJ, ken and audrey sang "one day at a time" and it was bloody nice. Audrey just has this amazing voice and KJ's sweet voice sounds really good singing the harmonies. ken provided the male voice [well, duh] and the three of them singing together sounded really nice.

anyway, moving on to the message. James 3:13-15 if i'm not mistaken. about not worrying about yesterdays and tomorrows. the bit that i really thought about, though, was when she said [and this is something we've ALL heard before] "take things one day at a time. yesterday is gone, tomorrow may not come. so if you love someone, TELL THEM. if you feel a calling to do something, FOLLOW IT. you can't change yesterday, and you don't know what tomorrow will bring, so make TODAY count. do what you want to do and live a fulfilling life." not in those exact words, but close enough.

WARNING: the following contains lamentations of the author that may seem very out of character. she was high on cheezels.

rargh. i'm having internal struggles. wow, that sounds dramatic. INTERNAL STRUGGLES. no, it's not dramatic and i'm not trying to make it sound like it is. i've just realized that my mum has been right all these years about me. the problem with you, kim, is that you don't know what you like and what you want. shit la. knowing what i like and what i want means growing up. and i'm not ready for that yet.

and i have no basis whatsoever for liking what i think i like and wanting what i think i want. i'm having jessica simpson moments when i go i'm turning 15 which is, like, mid teens, which is like, nearly 20, which is practically mid 20s which is OMFG 30! ok, that was very exaggerated and i actually NEVER think like that. i'm not the kind of person who looks forwards to birthdays but i'm not the type who dreads them either. they come and go and in the end it's just like every other day. presents are just there to make up for those stupid birthday songs that people feel compelled to sing every once in a while.

when i was in primary school, i had all these great ambitions of becoming a taxi driver or a firewoman or BOTH. at some point i wanted to be something more pro like an architect or a surgeon. other possibilities included engineer, part time genius, some sort of sportsperson [this stemmed from never having been good at sport], yogi bear [think KINDERGARTEN], fighter pilot [i would so love that although i have no idea what i'm gonna bomb], professional food taster, robocop [omg, i can't believe i just admitted that. i'm such a DORK].

point being. there was never any pressure for me to decide what i wanna do when i grow up. i dont have to know what i want to do NOW, but i'm thinking i should have SOME idea, right? i mean, even SARAH knows what she wants to do. and jess and karina and may and them all know they want to do pharmacy or something like that. me, on the other hand.. well, i think i know what i like and what i want, but it doesnt seem very uhm... what's the word... useful? look, people wanna do pharmacy, commerce, PSYCHOLOGY, science. i look lazy next to them. and, ok, it's also very un-chinese.

wow, long post. sorry for having bored you. it's upsetting that the only thing i can talk to is a BLOG. congrats if you've made it this far without actually mentally calling me a retard at all.