my life makes sense

I'VE FIGURED OUT MY LAZINESS.

and it's not my fault. in fact, i'm not sure it can be controlled. IN FACT, it's a MEDICAL CONDITION.

i shit you not.

according to ABC, my natural state of supreme laziness is referred to by intellectuals as motivational deficiency disorder [MoDeD].. uh huh.. that's right. i'm not lazy, i just have problems with self-motivation.

" It's diagnosed using a combination of positron emission tomography and low scores on a motivation rating scale, previously validated in elite athletes."

i have no idea what that chunk means... but you know how i know i have this disorder?

"In severe cases it can be fatal because the condition reduces the motivation to breathe, his report adds."

I USED TO HAVE THIS PROBLEM AS A KID!!! though mine wasn't really lack of motivation, i just forgot sometimes. but my keen sense of self-preservation saved me time and time again.

i dont do that anymore. i sometimes nearly suffocate when the quilt gets me, but no, i always breathe. except in the toilets the other day. that was truly awful. TRULY AWFUL. worse than usual. i won't go into the details.

how many people suffer from MoDeD? 1 in 5 Australians.

"Some people might have a genuinely debilitating form of MoDeD but others are just plain lazy and have "an absolute right to just sit there", he says. "

dammit. but that's not me.. that's, err, YOU.

the point is, i'm not lazy. i'm just... suffering from MoDeD. woohoo!!! man, these psychologist people are awesome. one day they'll figure out some disorder that makes humans ultra-modest [e.g. jon]... and one that makes people super-insulting [sarah].

now all i gotta do, is wait for one that explains excessive love of food.

hang on, i think they already have. it's called... gluttony?