what made me scream

there was a little beetle on the ground in front of where i was squatting at the BBQ yesterday, so i decided to flick it away.

i flicked it, but all that did was turn it upside down onto it's back. and as i sat there watching it's six little legs flailing, i was suddenly struck by how horrible it would be to be helpless and defenseless on your back, your weak underbelly exposed, no way to get back on your feet.

it was a horrible moment of "put yourself in someone else's shoes", and i felt really bad, and was going to flip it back onto it's feet.

and then jono's foot comes down and SQUASHES IT.

so i screamed.

because one moment it was there, and the next it wasn't. given what i had been thinking, it was really quite traumatic.


you could be walking peacefully minding your own business and suddenly, some big thing happens to you and your world is turned upside down, just like that. and try as you might, you just can't get back up, and it's a moment where you think "oh, shit".
there's hope. oh yes, there's always hope.
at least you're still alive, right?
and then you get squashed.
and then nothing.


to jono's credit, he thought he was helping me get rid of a bug i was afraid of.
i think.