you'd think i would've come to terms by now
with the fact that i am not 'other people'
and that the rules i have to follow
are different from what i see around me.

i am selfish

it's all about me.
because things feel hard enough as they are, without me having to think about anyone else.
so all i do is work things out for me.
and when i am insensitive to somebody else, all i can think about is how crap that makes me feel.
which brings me right back to the start.

some rules from the circle of death last night:

1) you musn't answer questions asked by the question-master
2) you must not refer to yourself in the first person.
3) you must not refer to anyone else in second person.

it's easier said than done.

and the winners are the ones who learnt early on to just keep their mouths shut.

stuck

oh these times are hard
yeah they're making us crazy
don't give up on me baby

tonight is the fifth night in a row I have had dinner with my family.

i can't remember the last time we had dinner together more than 3 times in a week. usually it's twice a week we'll all sit down and eat together.

it's so sad.

i really need to work less.

thanks

for a nice little hour of stress relief.


mm... i can't believe it took an hour either.

i found the easiest way to stop being friends with someone.

it's to get sick of it all.

listen

because this is how it goes...

you fall behind bit by bit and before you know it, everything piles up into one huge wad of insane.
you try to fix things, but instead of intermittent feuds, it becomes an ongoing storm with occasional sunshine.
you fail, and between anger and disappointment, all you find is weariness.

and you hate to admit it,
hate how you still try to keep fighting when you know that sooner or later,
you'll have to acknowledge it.


you're beaten.

and you did it to yourself.

it was good while it lasted

simply isn't good enough.

while watching germany play

sam: so which team does steinburger play for?
kim: who?
sam: steinburger.
kim: ... schweinsteiger?
sam: ...yeh, him.

no more

none of this... at least for the next few weeks :)

I keep having to remind myself that my exams are NOT over, and that I still have one paper to go.

It's not easy. Especially since my three hard(er) ones are over with, and 6 days feels like forever to study for one unit.
Well, I only have two and a half days left now, but you know. I'll get it done.
That's the plan, anyway.


IN OTHER NEWS...
I am loving the amount of football that I get to watch on the box.
loving it.
Les Bleus have been less than stellar, but I'm looking forward to Oranje tonight :)

Life feels good!

so this is how it goes

you get to study break and it begins to dawn on you that yes, you probably should build yourself a cocoon and do that quality time thing with those notes that you've neglected all semester.

you try.

and then you start to realize that there are literally a billion things that you would rather be doing. and you start to run through them in your mind. and the act of just doing this takes up like, half your study time.

you wonder how you ever felt bored and restless all those weeknights, and seriously, who knew there were so many things you could do on facebook?

also, tv shows don't stop airing during exam period :(

so before you know it, you're halfway through the week with an exam in two days, and you've just watched three hours of television straight (which is more tv than you've watched in the last month put together).

then what do you do?

you write about it.

so many words, so little time.

so worth the time spent

...oh the things you do instead of studying :)

perth airport parking ad

THIS

...completely cracked me up.

*sorry about the blurness. i was laughing too hard.
if you don't really get it, it's talking about how you can never find parking at the airport so you always have to say your goodbyes in the car.

my phone bill came!

so mum was looking through it, and suddenly she asks me:

"whose number ends in -363?"

"alan kan"

"oh, ok. annen -663?"

"winsome. why?"

"cause you called them A LOT."

now you know. i call you guys "a lot".

look up

smile,
because the sun shines for you tomorrow.

all you have to do is look up.

white on black on e

10 things to 10 people

1. have faith, and you'll find yourself right where you want to be.

2. because you give all you can, and all you are, to all the people in your life; i hope you make heaps of money.

3. you never cease to surprise me. usually in a good way. i think i like you.

4. i know i like you. does the reverse hold true?

5. nobody said it was easy, but that's what makes it so damn worthwhile.

6. laugh, and the world laughs with you. can't help it, you're infectious.

7. take care of yourself; it's okay to let go of a few things, even if only for a minute.

8. i think you're quite awesome. i dunno. still deciding. but it's heading that way.

9. sometimes it's the ones you least suspect that surprise you the most.

10. you're a better person than you give yourself credit for, i promise.

i got this idea off steven :)

why I feel sad :(

preoccupied with valuing inventory for Inventory is valued purposes of company financial reporting.

this is what my lecture notes say.

yesterday, I turned 19

...and today, the high is gone.


N.B. yesterday was lovely. I am not implying otherwise.

whenever sam or myself have a test, mummy will pray for us out loud in the car (when she's dropping us off at school, or at the train station).

i laughed when she said this about Sam:

*praying praying praying* ...take away the spirit of laziness from sam, and also the spirit of dumbness.

...and it was so much fun to give sam crap about it, until recently when mum prayed for ME:

*pray pray pray pray pray* ...and help her to do really well. take away the spirit of hunger and greed from her, so that she will not worry about food during her test.

-________________-
i... have nothing to say to that.

today's war

I come home from uni early today, hungry as hell. Picked up something for lunch on the way and burst into the house ready to eat.

Then I see the army.
The army of ants that has somehow invaded my house.
They. are. everywhere. I kid you not.
I am so angry with them right now I'm considering hosing down my kitchen just to see them struggle and squirm.

So I jumped into action; smashed a few of them, washed a bunch down the sink, then whipped out the vacuum cleaner to annihilate the ones on the floor. Then, just as an added measure, I cleared the vacuum canister so none of the ones that managed to remain alive can climb back out into my house.

THEN I found the insect spray and ant-proofed my front door (which is where they were coming from). Periodically, I see the lone ant meandering around my floor. Such ants get smashed.

They are gone, for now. I would like to think they fled out of fear. But I know they will be back the next time rain comes.

But until then...

I hate ants.

if my heart was a house, owl city

You're the sky that I fell through, and
I remember the view whenever I'm holding you
The sun hung from a string
Looking down on the world as it warmed over everything

Chills run down my spine
As our fingers entwine
And your sides harmonize with mine
Unmistakably, I can still feel your heart beat fast when you dance with me

We got older and I should have known
[do you feel alive?]
That I'd feel colder when I walk alone
[oh but you'll survive]
So I may as well ditch my dismay
[bombs awayyy]
[bombs awayyy]

Circle me and the needle moves gracefully
Back and forth
If my heart was a compass, you'd be North
Risk it all cause I'll catch you if you fall
Wherever you go
If my heart was a house, you'd be home

It makes me smile because you said it best
I would clearly feel blessed if the sun rose up from the west
Flower bomb perfume
All my clothes smell like you cause your favorite shade is navy blue

I walk slowly when I'm on my own
[do you feel alive?]
Yeah but frankly I still feel alone
[oh, but you'll survive]
So I may as well ditch my dismay
[bombs awayyy]
[bombs awayyy]

Circle me and the needle moves gracefully
Back and forth
If my heart was a compass, you'd be North
Risk it all cause I'll catch you if you fall
Wherever you go
If my heart was a house, you'd be home

If my heart was a house, you'd be home

to the girl standing behind me on the train this morning

You probably don't remember me, but I remember you. We were on the same train this morning, traveling to our respective destinations.

I understand that at peak hour, the train services are very packed. Really, I do. It's a miracle we manage to fit everyone on.

HOWEVER, I do not understand why you invaded my personal space as you did. We were standing back to back, and neither of us had anything to hold on to, but I do not think there was a need for you to lean your butt against mine in order to remain balanced. The train was packed, but not THAT packed.

I admit, I got annoyed. The Indian gentleman next to me stared at my scowl disapprovingly. However, I maintain that it is not too much to ask that you keep your butt to yourself.

Ordinarily, I would overlook it. But today, you did it repeatedly and for prolonged periods of time. Today, you leaning your weight against me (AND I'M SMALLER THAN YOU, THANKS) means that I had to work extra hard NOT to lean into the lady in front of me. At 7.15 in the morning, when I'm barely awake, that makes me angry. The fact that you continued talking to the blonde dude next to you, oblivious to my efforts to stay upright, irritated me further. Why didn't you lean against HIM?

I just wanted to let you know how I felt.

Good day.

mummy once spilled Milo on my laptop when it was two weeks old. we panicked, but waited for two days praying so hard that it would dry up and be okay.

through the miracle that is the lack of humidity in Perth, CaptainAwesome came back to life.

here's the funny thing:
brought it back to Malaysia, and one day it wouldn't turn on. after a bit of thought, it was held up in front of the air conditioner for a few minutes, after which it was found to be ALIVEEE.

turns out, if there is too much moisture in the air, the insides of my laptop turn into milo-ey mush. but it's fine when it's dry :)