the chemistry cheat

that isn't really a cheat.

my teacher started rattling on about what we're going to be tested on. and it took us until he was halfway through section 1 to realize that he was reading straight off the exam paper. which then prompted the entire class to be deathly silent and transcribe his words... word for word.

for those of you who have less... agreeable teachers. here you are.

don't bother reading it if you're not sitting the year 11 chemistry exam this friday. it'll bore you shitless.

Section 1: Multiple Choice (48 marks)
24 questions
atomic structure, formulae, balancing equations, simple mole calculations, structure bonding properties, gas laws, empirical/molecular formulae, electron configuration of atoms and ions, and the laws of Chemistry.

Section 2: Short Answer (50 marks)
10 questions
1) Equations and observations
2) Writing the name or formula of a substance given a description
3) Identifying reagents
4) Classifying substances
5) i forgot what he said so i didn't get number 5
6) Structure, Bonding, Properties of substances
7) Balancing equations
8) Gas Laws
9) Electron dot diagrams
10) Laboratory preparation of gases

Section 3: Calculations (42 marks)
5 questions
1) Gas laws
2) Problems involving equations
3) Equations based on industrial process [i.e. same as Q.2]
4) Empirical Formula
5) Problems involving equations

Section 4: Extended answer (10 marks)
one essay question
he refused to tell us. yeah, he told us all the questions in the paper, but he refused to tell us the last one.

and i say that this is a cheat, but isn't really a cheat because yes, we know what each question will be asking so we know what to cover. but it's pretty much everything we've learnt which means we have to study everything anyway which defeats the purpose of knowing what's coming out beforehand which just takes all the fun out of it.

but...

enjoy XD

i am becoming increasingly ditzy

the hardest part is over.

now for the tedious.

but let us not dwell on that.

2 hours of vectors and proofs, components and cosines, can really do something special to your brain. all you want to do afterwards is sit down on a cracking leather couch and stare blankly into a 26-inch screen playing a lame-to-the-shits pirated DVD in extremely bad quality.

which is exactly what i did.

oh, sometimes i feel like doing that even without exams. but you know, i lack the cracking leather couch.

moving on.

the power of a brain-numbing afternoon in anti-exam mode is never to be underestimated. we all have three [in eva's case four] exams to go, but that didn't stop Shaz and i from trooping over to Driver way for an afternoon of... nothingness.

this was weird because...
1) the three of us have never hung out together before. two by two, yes. but never three together. and
2) it was literally like "you wanna come my house?". "okay".

eva and i sorta watched KOone - which you should never watch unless you're as lame as cheng loon. even then, i'm strongly against it - while sharon found refuge in the 1mx2m computer room watching Hana-Kimi, the drama.

Hana-Kimi was originally a manga, but it's been adapted into a taiwanese drama. it's about a girl who likes this guy [i know, original huh] who goes to an all boys' school. so what does this girl do? duh~ she pretends to be a guy so she can go to same school.

the hana-kimi art book. which i have. thanks to some lovely friends.

today, i stood behind shaz and watched a bit of it [she texted me from inside the same house because she got excited over some dude's muscles] and the only thing i could think was: that girl is so not a guy.

in our stoned states, we were heard to say...

how can anyone think she's a guy?
she's got hips man.
and she's so small.
but she's got a little moustache.
i hope her eyebrows are fake.
damn, she gets to touch him [and i swear this was not me]

jiro [fahrenheit], ella [s.h.e] and wu zun [fahrenheit].
i still don't reckon she can pass for male.

in between all this, eva and i came up with really lame applications for principals of physics and trigonometry that we can't help but regurgitate when we hear certain things. e.g.:

kim: why you walk that way?
eva: because there is a wind blowing in that direction, so if i walk in this direction, the resultant it makes with the wind will eventually bring me to the position vector of my house.

eva: i want to dye my hair like his. black, but a bit purple when it goes under the sun.
kim: it's black cause it absorbs all colours of light within the visible spectrum. but i guess it's purple under the sun because it reflects a bit of violet light back to our eyes.
eva: is it purple or violet light arh?

btw, update on the physics test...

"...even if you could see the sun, it would blind you and burn you and you would die."
0 marks.

"lick it."
0 marks.

"you shine a light through, then you measure the angles. then ah, you calculate the refractive index. then you compare. then you see. if good, then real lo. it not, then not lo."
3 marks [wth??]

thank God for the weird stuff he puts in my head.

now i hope it works for Lit.

dear God, give me 95

i'm so depressed about a stupid exam.
it's pathetic.

so so pathetic.

because i swear i will cry if i don't do well in this one.

just this one.

i don't know why it's eating me up so much. i've never, ever stressed about an exam like this before. then again, i've never failed a math test until this year.

80% in the last two and i'm still sitting on a borderline C because of the effing stupid first test. it's so frustrating.

not doing too well in other things, but for some reason, it's THIS ONE that kills me.

casper: it can't be that bad
kim: i'm on 55%
casper: oh.

i don't even feel like eating.

just want to break down.
cry.

indian, honky, chinese, english whispers

secondhand information is so twisted.

there was a fight at school today between a teacher and a student.

it's a case of chinese whispers for me.

first story i heard: [in intro calc]
mr. watermelon got into a fight with a year nine kid and lost!! the kid had him in a headlock! mr watermelon got OWNED man. you should've seen it!

second story i heard: [on the way to chem]
mr. watermelon was fighting with that emo kid in year nine on the oval. cause mr. watermelon took the guy's ball and the guy got pissed off, so he wanted to fight mr. watermelon. but mr. watermelon got the kid in a headlock and the guy couldn't get free. and then mr. watermelon let go and the kid charged at him so mr. watermelon blocked the punch. but the kid kept charging so he mashed his face into mr watermelon's hand. the guy was bleeding all over. and then he spat at mr. watermelon, but he missed.

third story i heard: [still on the way to chem]
as above, but this time, mr watermelon said "now, i don't want to hurt you..."
later, mr watermelon was seen taking off his outer shirt and it had blood on it. the blood did not belong to him.

fourth story i heard: [from the year 8s]
these two guys were fighting, and mr watermelon tried to break them up. but jimmy got pissed off and he started fighting with mr watermelon. he had mr watermelon in a headlock, and mr watermelon was turning blue!! yeah, the kid is in year 8, and he's a lot smaller than mr watermelon. then he let go and mr watermelon started hitting him, and jimmy bit his tongue and started spitting blood at mr watermelon. and mr watermelon fully got bashed up by jimmy.
jimmy might have family problems cause the last few days he's been real quiet and maybe that's why he got so angry today. and if mr orange had been there, he would've won. he's so strong he can do push ups with someone on his back with one hand. mr watermelon got beat up by a 13 year old, and he's 46!! HAHAH!! what time is it? shit, we better get home aye.

fifth story i heard:
these two kids were fighting and mr watermelon broke them up, but one of them started fighting him, so he just defended himself by putting the boy into a headlock. then the boy inflicted injury on himself when he tried to punch mr watermelon but was so uncoordinated he punched himself in the face instead. that's why there was blood on mr watermelon's shirt. then the boy started spitting at mr watermelon, but again, he was so unco he missed mr watermelon.
mr watermelon for the win!!


see what i mean about secondhand information?

personally, i think the fifth story is the most coherent, and it's actually what i believed to have happened in the first place. but the fourth story has that teenage angst and conflict that gives it a bit of an edge. and i don't believe the midget year 8 won the fight. mebbe because mr watermelon is a teacher of mine. sigh, he was wearing a white rusty shirt today, i think. now it's all bloody.

but i cracked up when i heard the "now, i don't want to hurt you..." part.

and no, the teachers are not REALLY named fruits.

thank You GOD!!!

i didn't fail physics, and i didn't fail G&T.

thank You thank You thank YOU!!


you know what kills me though?

i always miss questions. there are ALWAYS questions in the paper that i will fail to see, and hence, not answer. and they are ALWAYS easy questions that take about 15 seconds to work out.

it's the difference between an A and a B. a pass and a fail.

but i passed these last two... so happy days, mate.

i hate exams.

short? tall? brown, yellow, or black?

my boss told me something today that i found terribly amusing.

you see, he was a tour guide back in the day, and he's traveled many different places many times over, and knows a lot of things that normal tourists just wouldn't know. to share stories of past happenings is a favourite past time of his when there are no customers around.

today, he told me about a little experience in china many years ago. he had brought his tour group to a karaoke lounge in one of their town stops, and man... karaoke lounges there are "so technologically advanced".

you walk in and there's a big room with two live bands - one on each end of the room - and people can dance in the middle. you sit down on one of the comfy lounge chairs, and someone will come and wait on you hand and feet.

so that night, boss and a friend visited the place.

the first thing they ask you once you're comfortable is "would you like a girl to accompany you? to sing?". [when my boss told me this, i snorted]. well, my boss's friend said yes. and you know what happened?

out of nowhere this TV screen flips on, and the friend is handed a remote control. on screen, there are pictures of girls... lots and lots of girls [use your imagination].... change the channel and there's more girls. all for him to choose from -____-. all he has to do is press the remote control, and just like that, a girl appears. apparently there were about five hundred there for his taking. all with a price tag, of course. [HAH!]

but what is that? it's like shopping on e-bay. Great Selection & Fantastic Prices On All Items. Power at Your Fingertips. Delivery on click.

i've honestly never heard of this before, [have you?] but i just find it so bizzare, and consequently, so amusing.

i mean, can you imagine sitting there choosing a person like you're choosing wall colours? or like choosing live chickens in malaysia?

"how much for the brown one over there? no, that one too skinny. i want the fat one."

i could launch into a whole tirade against the objectification of women here, but i'm sure we've all heard that one before. and if you haven't, someone you know will be able to tell you. preferably not a male.

and besides, there's supposed to be nothing sleazy about it - it's purely professional. it''s like contracting an accompanist so that you don't have to sing your own harmonies; so that you don't have to be both aladdin AND jasmine when you sing a whole new world. that kinda thing. so i don't really feel a need to defend female rights.

i do however, get angry when i think about what Sheikh Al-Hilali [he of the comparison between women and meat] said in an al-Jazeera interview the other day. what he ALWAYS says whenever he's given an opportunity to slander the respectability of women everywhere. pisses me off. but that's another story. maybe tomorrow.

and for the record, my boss is the good guy. it was his companion who was the pervert.

too much phygntint

they've been found.

the physics book, and the pencil.

i'm glad the book hasn't been nicked by someone who used it as reading material in the toilet. but i'm really, really, happy that the pencil is back. it's a good pencil.

it's funny how many asian couples i've seen around, where the boyfriend actually carries the girlfriend's handbag. it's so weird to see a dude carrying around a girl's bag, even if it does belong to their girlfriend [they actually sling it on their shoulders like a girl would].

i once saw a guy carrying a handbag. and then i saw his girlfriend. who was also carrying a handbag. so does that mean the handbag the guy is carrying... belongs to...... nevermind.

sam said "it's a way of showing affection. you know, 'the more i carry your bag, the more i love you""

the bag-love equation is therefore such:

L = n(M/s)

where L is the affection shown [measured in $$], n is the number of times he carries the bag, M is the mass of the bag [in grams] and s is the size of the girlfriend involved.

beats buying flowers.

prayer of a lost child

dear Lord

forgive me my lack of conscientiousness in doing what i know should be done.
it is not that i can't, but that i won't.
i could; if only i would.
so forgive me the willpower i fail to possess;
forgive me the motivation i cannot muster;
forgive me the diligence i am so lacking.
forgive me the waste that i am making of the gift, given out of a love that surpasses the understanding of all beings in creation.

i ask for wisdom to know what is right, and for the strength to do it.
i ask for aim; a purpose, and for the incentive to pursue it.
i ask for a spirit; a spirit that wavers not in the face of temptation.
i ask for a sureness of mind to carry me through the valleys i'll face.
and i ask for a faith; one that flickers not, but one that burns true.

and Lord i want to thank You
for all the blessing that You've given
to thank You for all the gifts received
and indeed, for those that were not
to thank You for that which i have put to good use
and to seek apology for those i have not

for the people around me, i truly give thanks
for each hug i've received, every smile that's been given
all the times You've sent someone to brighten me up
each word that's been said is like sunshine through rain
for all this, i thank You
for friends so understanding, to support me when i can't
i pray that You'll watch over them and keep them safe from harm

for a love so great it's beyond amazing
nothing on earth could ever take it away
in five words or less, none else to be said
"Jesus, i love You", nothing more, nothing less

when 16 year olds meet physics

physics test today was... so hard it was funny.

it's the kind of test where you look at the question, and think...

"what the sh*t?!?!"

let me give you some examples of the questions and some answers. these are based on what people have told me, and what i remember of what i wrote after the test.

Q: movies often use a type of glass known as "sugar glass" in their stunts. "sugar glass" looks and shatters the same way as real glass, but does not cut an actor when he/she smashes through it. how would you determine whether or not a solid is "real" glass, or "sugar" glass. you are not allowed to touch or break the solid.
Nigara wrote: shine a light through it. if it transmits, it is real glass. if not, it is... err... not real glass.
i wrote: you shine a light through, then you measure the angles. then ah, you calculate the refractive index. then you compare. then you see. if good, then real lo. if not, then not lo.
william wrote: lick it.

Q: myopia, or short sightedness, is a condition of the eye. what type of lens would you use to rectify this?
alfred reads the question, then thinks for a while. and then he slowly takes off his spectacles, and stares at them intently for a while. *thinks* how come one side is convex, and the other side is concave?

Q: if the earth had no atmosphere, and you were to look up at the sun, what would you see?
i wrote: if the earth had no atmosphere, and you were to look up at the sun...... you would not be able to see the sun. *pauses and thinks for a while* even if you were able to see the sun, it would blind you and burn you and you would die.
jiayan wrote: you would see red.

Q: complete the ray diagram to determine where the image will be formed.
nigara: HAH, FREE MARK!!
kim: erm... nicole, borrow rubber? x1999
mike: *draws for a while* i think i need more paper.

Q: in order to achieve a more natural colour in underwater photography, what colour filter should be used?
mun tsin: *she's the smartest girl in our year* you need to use either a red, orange, or yellow filter in order to absorb blue and indigo light to achieve a more natural result. *sounds so pro*
sarah: you need a blue or violet filter to suck the bad colours out.
kim: you need to either use a filter that absorbs blue and violet light, or one that doesn't.

Q: calculate blablablablablabla.
nigara: -9.23
kim: 17.1
william: 0.64
-______-. same question, same formula. and william realizes after the test..

"OMG.. MY CALCULATER WAS ON RADIANS. OMG. OMG. OMG."

smart one.

we're all going to do so well in this test. i can feel it.

transcending stupidity

i wish people would stop saying

"but you're smart, you'll get good marks even if you don't study."

just stop.

stop assuming that i'm going to ace every test; stop expecting me to do it.

it's like i've got my own private group of stress givers. and yes, people saying that stresses me out more than actual studying - which should not be the case. i can generate enough stress on my own, thank you very much.

i am a very lazy person. it's not a hidden truth. i do not like studying - in fact, i really hate it. i like learning, but studying is detestable. it doesn't help that the last time i "studied" was at tuition back in m'sia. so i really have no idea how to do it properly.

i do okay in my tests. most of them, anyway. and it's really by God's grace because there is no way it can be anything else. it's not because i'm smart; i'm not genius, far from it.
you want smart? look at sharon fan, who puts in the work and gets good results. look at jessica ling, who uses her brains and makes the effort to achieve the scores she does. look at tze-chiang; the smartass gets full marks in almost every test. look at people like emily, nigara, mike; all naturally smart, all work hard to do the best they can and it pays off.

and look at the Leongs. i don't even feel a need to elaborate on this point.

i am not a smart person. what stands between me and that perfect score, is a laziness that transcends all stupidity. it's that simple.

the difference between me and all those people i mentioned, is that they'd all be studying their physics notes now, instead of wasting their time blogging.

so stop saying "you don't need to study. you'll pass anyway."

because somehow, it's worse when you know you can do it, but you just don't.

lesson #4459 on battling stupidity

lesson #4459 on battling stupidity

chapter one:
don't bother bringing your physics book with you when you go out in the hope of finding time to study because in the event that you do find time, you will just go to sleep. this would effectively make your bringing the book in the first place redundant.

chapter two:
avoid getting pissed off with your sister. [this will be explained in later chapters]

chapter three:
3.1 always remember to bring everything you bring with you to work, back home with you from work. be alert, because leaving something there is a pain when you don't go back to work until tuesday.
3.2 this also applies to leaving things in the public toilet.

chapter four:
avoid getting pissed off with your sister, because this invariably leads to long term problems. however, it is the short term problems that will kill you.

chapter five:
applications. let us imagine a scenario.
1) you bring your physics book out with you because you think you'll have time to study, but all you really do is play then sleep.
2) you have work right after this so you are forced to bring your book with you.
3) however, you need to change out of your normal clothes into your work clothes, so you do this in the toilet.
4) you get annoyed with your sister over something very petty.
5) you go to work, and come home. then you realize you've left your physics book at work. this is bad because you have a physics test on monday, and you don't got back to work till tuesday.
6) you have a problem because you do not remember bringing your book with you to work. so where is it?
7) you retrace your steps. yes, you had it when you were eating subway. yes, you had it when you were changing. oh shit, you didn't have it when you go to work. which means...
8) when you were changing you put your book on top of the closed toilet seat cover in the toilet. you did not bring it out.
9) why? you weren't thinking straight. because you were pissed at your sister.


if anyone finds a heinemann physics textbook, please return it to me.
it has a red cover, about 400 pages.
it says "Sean Wong" on the first page in blue pen.
then it says "Kimberley Chieng" underneath in pencil.
it also says "$15" in big numbers.

don't read if you hate gay people

english lit today began with a discussion on the notion of taboo.

the question was: what do we consider taboo, and what makes it so?

the discussion turned to a very, very valid point rama brought up. his example of a taboo was homosexuality.

yes yes, we all know it's becoming increasingly "acceptable" in our society, blablabla. but you still hear of hate crimes against these people. yes, there are those who think homosexuals are the scum of the earth, but western society is slowly tolerating - if not completely embracing - same sex couples.

i am a Christian ,and i do not support homosexuality; and yet do not have a problem with people who are gay. i do not throw rubbish at them, nor do i tell them that they are "****ing faggots who should go **** a tree". and this raises a question of whether tolerating homosexuality, as opposed to opposing it, is in fact endorsement of the idea itself? and this is what rama was trying to argue.

we can say we're opposed to the idea of homosexuality - based on religion, culture, background, whatever - but in our inaction, our passivity, are we indirectly supporting it? it's difficult to address this because by this definition, to be truly against homosexuality would mean condemnation of people involved. and frankly, not many people around me would hate someone just because they were slightly different.

i hope not anyway.

i know that i am not afraid of gay people. it's interesting that today, i sat two meters away from a gay guy. interesting that this should happen right after we had a class discussion on this. and every single person in the classroom knew he was gay. and nobody had a problem with it. it wasn't an issue. it's like someone just said "oh, he likes cheese, dota, and boys." just another thing about him.

i found out he was gay two minutes after meeting him, and i really didn't care. and this is really important.

because although we are not necessarily uncomfortable with someone we know being gay, what do we do when it's close to home? what happens if your best friend [same sex] tells you that he or she is in love with you? how do you deal with that? you say you're not prejudiced, but you can't help feeling that it's just... wrong.

but this doesn't have anything to do with the gay guy. it's got everything to do with yourself. because while all you can do is be accepting of the choices other people make, you actually have a say in your own beliefs. the other party being gay has nothing to do with it, it's the fact that YOU are not gay.

and in the end, your response to it all comes down to proximity to self. it doesn't bother you when it's just "someone you know". it's odd, but not scary when "the gay dudes down the road are getting married". it's when it's too close for comfort, too close to deny how real it is, that it forces you to face up to the perversity the world throws at you. this proximity; this reality...

this taboo.



btw, nobody i know has actually received/made a homo confession. it's just an illustration made in class.

patience is a virtue, possess it if you can;
seldom in a woman, never in a man.

i lost my pencil.

i think i left it in Lit.

kim: why are you all wet?
andrew: because i drink water wrongly.

he's in pain, that boy, because

"the dota server has been down for more than a week."
"HAH?!"
"yes, you heard me right. don't make me say it again. it hurts."

i'm in pain because i've lost my pencil.

i'm on day 3 of the swearing rehabilitation. is it some rule that when you're trying not to swear, and you realize you've just done it, you'll swear again? and again?

"$#!% that hurts. ah, $#!%, i swore. %#!%, did it again."

in trying to get rid of this habit, i've realized just how bad it's gotten. i'm quite amazed at the number of times i have to check myself and replace the word with something more PG-13. aside from that, the punishment that has been imposed every time i swear now holds for two weeks, i'd say.

i lost my pencil.

i feel a need to write. got the feeling during the easter break and maybe with the loss of my pencil, my lack of inspiration at the time has come back to haunt me. or i'm just really deluded.

nicole wrote: does love conquer when you fall?
hmm...

yes.
if it doesn't, it's probably not love.

little bells of red

CONGRATULATIONS

to sharon and william
i told you i'd do it XD

stopped by john's house with mum the other day. just let me say this: their backyard is freaking amazing. EVERYTHING is edible. his mum is freaking amazing. she takes care of it. it's all just freaking amazing. i really should stop saying freaking amazing.

there was basil, chinese vegetables, lemongrass, spring onions and a variety of other vegies and herbs that i can't remember right now. i walked round the back and saw an orange tree. then sam asked "is that an apple tree?" and you know what? it was an apple tree. WITH APPLES. and i'm pretty sure i saw something that looked like yams.

there was a creeping plant there and when she told us what it was, we were all kinda stunned.

dragonfruit.
the woman has dragonfruit in her backyard. you know what else she has growing back there? PASSIONFRUIT.

and she has at least three varieties of chilli.

she's got these normal ones.

and she's got these fat green ones.

then she's got these.and i think they are just so pretty.
they start to look kinda weird if you stare too long though.

if i could paint you red
like the passionate feel
it might not be colourful
but at least it'd be real

george

lesson #5887 in battling stupidity

chemistry may be the most boring subject on earth taught by the most boring teacher on earth, but DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SPACE OUT.
because you'll find that when you're cramming the night before for a test on gas preparation [of the non-flatulent kind], that the teacher has actually mentioned that he will only be testing three of them, and has in fact told you which three he will be testing you on. not only that, you've already attempted to save irrelevant information on your 12Kb brain memory which is just a total waste of time, energy, and school fees.

aaron told me about the bravest and most selfless little guy ever.

a jack russell terrier named George saved five children from being attacked by two pitbulls in new zealand yesterday. the little dog jumped in to defend the children [aged between 4 and 7] from being mauled by the two rabid pitbulls.

little George tried to protect the kids by "barking and rushing at them [pitbulls], but they started to bite him - one on the head and the other on the back."

just so you know what it's like.... imagine this...

vs.

two of this

George died.

he had to be put down because he was ripped to shreds.

Darryl Wilson, 4, holds a photo of George the Jack Russell, with the dog's owner, Alan Gay, left, and Richard Rosewarne, 11, Christian Rosewarne, 8, and Kelly Rosewarne, 10, in the background. Photo: Nic Gibson/Taranaki Daily News
i really like this photo. and yes, the owner's name is alan gay. get over it.

george is such a brave little dog. i won't call his death a waste, because it wasn't. his life actually meant something. and yes, i am aware it sounds a little stupid to be writing of an animal in this way.

but if only more dogs, more people, would do what he did for those children. no, not get mauled by two apeshit dogs almost frothing at the mouth. you know what i mean. do something that would make your existence worth something in the end. George probably had a far more intrinsic value to his owner in terms of companionship than anyone could know, but it's really this - his saving these children - that will forever endear him in the hearts of people.

a few months ago, i had a little chat with jess's brother, james. james is a cute little guy of about... five? six years old? something like that. i was sitting next to him in the car one day and we were having a great conversation.

yes, i had a riveting conversation with a child 10 years younger than me.

he was telling me about his birthday [which is in august. we spoke in march]. he was all excited about it because he was having a party at McDonalds!!

then he said this. i start each sentence on a new line because he pauses between each one and seemingly reflects on what he just said.

"i'm going to invite alllll my friends.
"mostly boys.
"maybe a few girls. i don't know yet.
"but mostly boys.
"i like boys."

it's funny how he says it in all innocence. but to anyone who's lost that little boy outlook on life, it's just wrong. jess has expressed concerns before when she's seen james hugging other little boys, but they're 5 man. it's OKAY when they're little.

probably should try to avoid "guy on guy" action when you're 16 tho. or "guy on guy on guy" action in some cases [it's amazing what an accidental push can result in XD].

james is adorable. but i've seen him on and off for three years now, and he's still the same size. it's... actually quite freaky.